They're GAP, not Apple Bottom!

Sorry for the long delay in updating my weight loss blog. I had quite a lot of events happen in the past six weeks, some good and some bad. These photos were taken on May 28th by Sandra after a night out to dinner. These are the first pair of jeans I have purchased and worn in 3 years. Some people don't understand "Why wait 3 years to wear jeans? There are many sizes available." The problem isn't the size but rather how I feel about my appearance in jeans.

If you know me and my family, then you have probably met my sister. My sister is the physical opposite of me: 5'10 1/2" and 140lbs. She has the body that can wear practically anything, especially the popular expensive jeans such as Paige Denim, 7's, and Jo Jeans. I have seen my sister struggle to find a pair of jeans that not only fit her but are long enough for her legs since the 7th grade. Thankfully they make jeans long enough. However, that shaped my views of what makes a pair of jeans work. The dreaded "Mom" jeans need to be eliminated off the market - what woman has a crotch that's over 8" long?! A flat booty is not attractive regardless of how much of a bargain they were! In my case, I have issues with how jeans are made for more...voluptuous, heavy women. Many times they put these ridiculous rhinestone patterns that make your booty look worse. If it's not on the booty, then there is some stupid drawing or pattern added to one of the pant legs, something to grab one's attention. Many times a muffin top occurs and it makes one look worse instead of better. Personally, I have issues with my legs - they are thicker than most girls, even when I'm in top form. The smallest size I've been for jeans is a size 8 and that was when I was anorexic - definitely not revisiting that size again unless I become a personal trainer or something. I do like my booty though, since I will have one regardless of how thin I become. I'm one of those girls that have curves despite how hard I work out.

When I started Weight Watchers, I definitely didn't own a pair of jeans that worked for me. Since I was used to working in dress pants due to Enterprise, I felt most comfortable in them even while at Home Depot. I had a coworker ask me why I don't wear jeans to work, and I simply told him I don't think they look right on me, not flattering in the least bit. He laughed and said he would be waiting to see me in jeans one day. That was almost a year ago. At that point, I was a size 20 and just starting WW. Now I'm almost down 40lbs with a long road ahead of me. The past month has been really challenging, with school and other personal matters distracting me from my weight loss goal. However, one day I was downtown and I wandered into The GAP. I was browsing their jeans when I came across a dark denim trouser jean. I wasn't sure if they'd fit or not, and I figured it would give me a bit of inspiration and pull my head out of my butt to refocus on what I want. They were apart of the "Curvy" collection, so I found a size 16 and went into the dressing room. Lo and behold, they fit. And not like Saran Wrap but nicely. I squatted and checked myself out in them and became really excited! I had finally reached the half way point in terms of the size I want to become.

I removed the jeans and waited to be shocked by the price. My mouth gaped open when I saw the tag: $26.99!! WHAT?! GAP jeans for $26.99?! I knew I couldn't hold back from buying them and made a beeline for the register. I left the store feeling victorious and accomplished.

Otherwise, I'm not feeling the proudest of my journey right now. I did finally track this week but only for two days. I didn't stay within my points range and chocolate is still the only thing I find appealing to my taste buds. Also, I've been drinking a lot of wine to numb the pain. Jenn said it is 13 points for a whole bottle of wine, but I tend to have only a glass or two. I've been off for almost two weeks and didn't work out more than usual, granted I've had to deal with some pretty emotional stuff. I feel heavy internally, like I have cement on my feet. I want to stay in bed all day and read or watch movies. I'm still going to my regular classes I love, but I feel distracted. The vision I see of myself at my goal is hazy and I need to figure out how to make it more clearer. I think being blindsided by a personal event has really shook me up, and I'm trying to make sense of it all. I know all's not lost but I got to get focused so I don't lose all the hard work I've done so far this year. It's almost the end of June, and I know I can lose another 20-30lbs before the end of the year. I stopped having candy on a regular basis and saw a positive shift in my mental game for weight loss. I'm going to recommit to doing so since candy is my Achilles' heal b/c I don't want to be the chubby 26 year old. My bday is less than 2 months away, and I don't want to be overweight and 28. I want 27 to be the last year I'm overweight and dang it, I'm going to do it!

Please Excuse the Minor Delay

This entry is a tad bit late for the month being it's one day before May!

April has been pretty crazy for lots of great reasons. I'm 2-3lbs away from hitting my 40lbs goal! I'm so excited to hit that and be closer to 50% accomplished.

I also did an incredible hike to Maple Falls, located within Nisene Marks. It was 11.4 miles round trip and took 5 hours. I was exhausted afterward but I will never forget it! Can't wait to go to Five Finger Falls.

Sorry not much more to say as I have a ton of studying for school to do.

Quick Comparison

^Aug 2008^
^March 2009^

I wanted this month's progress photo to be the same outfit as my first blog to see if any changes were noticeable. Personally, I can see that my waist has reduced in size as well as my chest and arms. Thankfully my boobs haven't lost much volume but the overall tone is tighter than it was. The slight change in my arms is noticeable when you look from shoulder to bicep - there's a bit less volume between my arm and side of body.

As of last meeting, I'm down 33lbs meaning I have lost almost 20lbs since making a dedication to reducing my addiction to candy goods. I haven't been the strictest lately but I do work on modifying what I chose to indulge on. I don't make a grab at anything, I really listen to what I'm craving to grab out of the candy bowl at work. Tootsie Rolls are the bomb btw :)

In other news Jonathan, Moshe, and Hakeem all complimented me in my weight loss; Jonathan being the most adamant about how good I look. Afton also complimented me the other day as well, but he's just a flirt. I also had a woman in my Zumba class that told me she noticed that I am shaping up nicely, and wanted to know if all I was doing for activity was Zumba. I let her know that I mainly do Zumba and kickboxing so it definitely plays a big roll in my weight loss.

I'm off to do homework....ciao for now!

Mid-Month Update

I figured updating this more than once of month was beneficial to my progress. I'm very excited to report that I hit my goal of losing 25lbs two weeks ago, and this past Tuesday I accomplished reaching and exceeding my 10% lost goal! I'm down 27.4lbs and I do feel much better about myself. Granted I haven't been perfect on my "no sugar" aka candy, but I have made huge strides in limiting myself or removing myself all together from tempting situations.

I decided to take some pics of myself this past weekend to chronicle my progress. I took all of these pictures, and you can't see my face in any of them!





Onto losing 30lbs!

The New Year

Ice Skating in San Jose 12.31.08

It's 2009 and I'm finally updating my weight loss blog. Things were challenging over the holidays, I won't lie. Instead of my Tuesday night free for all lasting only on Tuesday, it would start bleeding over into Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday! Terrible, I know. With the New Year around the corner, I started dissecting what it was that caused this to happen. Many times on Tuesday nights, I wasn't sure what sweet thing I wanted to indulge on, so I'd buy two or three things. I'd binge on one of them, leaving the others to be available at another time. I know I had the option of hiding them away until next Tuesday but that's just not an option for me. I have no self control when it comes to candy and cookies, absolutely ZERO! I started reviewing what triggered this binge and it usually starts out with a small taste of the substance. Then I want to keep on getting those same sensations in my mouth and I go back for more....and more. To the point where I feel sick.

On New Year's Eve with Sandra, I declared that I'd limit my sweet temptation only to Tuesday night and there could only be one option. The rest of the week I would stay away from cookies and candy so Tuesday would really feel like a treat. I've done really well in keeping this and have felt dramatically better about myself. I don't crave it as much and when Tuesday comes, I really think about what I want for my treat that night instead of grabbing anything and everything! This past week I did slip up a bit by having some crackers Wednesday night, ice cream on Thursday night, and wine & cheese on Friday night! I knew that these choices would have consenquences and I didn't pretend that I had "no other option" than to make those choices. To counteract that, I've been maintaining my tracking and increasing my fitness efforts. On Thursday, I did kickboxing, abs, and 35 minutes of Zumba. I was so exhausted from kickboxing but pushed myself to do Zumba. On Friday, I did 30 minutes of the PreCore then spent the rest of the day with my sister, helping her out around her new place. Saturday I didn't get up in time and Sunday I did Zumba before work. Today I had a short work out - 15 minutes on the PreCore and 15 minutes of weights. I feel pretty good and I still have to go to work as well, so that helps.

I've made the decision that this is the last year I'm going to be overweight. I'm 26 years old and I've been dealing with this since I was 8 - nothing is going to change that except me. I know I can do this - I've done it in the past. However, losing weight isn't the magical cure to my life but I know it will affect the way I feel about myself, in my own skin. I don't want to be told "you have a pretty face" for the rest of my life; I want to know that all of me is pretty! I want to be able to wear certain fashions and rock it with confidence. I want to wear shorts and not worry about my legs jiggling. I can reach all of those goals and I will. I will be the priority of my life and I'm the only one accountable to that :)

December already?!

Here's the monthly pic. Not too much has changed but I feel stronger. I feel my endurance is building up more. My main focus right now is to get back to tracking. Mentally tracking allows there to be error and I feel that is my main hinderance right now other than maintaining control. I did pretty well at Thanksgiving - lost a lb actually! So my goal is to reach my 10% before the new year arrives. I feel that once I get there, I will have more motivation to keep going. Well looking in the mirror is motivation too :) Oh, got a new hair cut!

November is Here!

I forgot to take a picture for October, but this is early November, so yeah whatever :)

Things are going well and I really do enjoy my meetings, despite not always wanting to physically go there. However, the feedback is good and Jennifer always lightens up the mood. I haven't made a whole lot of progress on the scale but I'm feeling more confident in myself. This past weekend I went shopping for new work out gear. It was quite nice to fit into L pants and tops being loose in areas that were previously tight. I feel much better being in new clothes - makes me feel not as self-conscious at the gym, like if my pants are creeping down or if my shirt is exposing any of my stomach. Some old clothes are fitting better also. so that is encouraging!

This time around has been harder for me. I think acknowledging that I have a much longer road ahead of me than before has made me not as motivated for some reason. I've been with WW for almost six months and I'm not even close to the success I had achieved four years ago. Four years ago, by six months I had lost over 30lbs! I need to remain focused and set a smaller goal for the current month instead of looking at the final end goal. My final end goal is to weight 165, the same I was at college graduation time. I looked pretty good back then ;)

Give Me the Greenlight!

Another month has passed and WW is going alright. For two weeks straight, I maintained and it was starting to really annoy me since I was following the program almost to a T and had increased my activity. This last week, I lost 3.4lbs!!! It felt so good to see that I really was doing something to get closer to my goal. While my overall goal of having 30lbs gone by the end of August was not reached, I'm closer to losing 20lbs! This week it's been a bit tough; been really sad about things that are going on with people from college and feeling rejected. On top of it all I'm PMSing and the 4th marked two months since Matt and I broke up. All those events at once have made me a little sad and I've been definitely craving sweets more. I have been paying attention to my satiety feeling and have been listening to it pretty well, with the exception of today. Today I had Mexican food, candy, coffee, just crap. Tomorrow is a new day and I will do this. I am making progress, even though it's taking slower than I thought. I want to improve my confidence and self esteem and I know by losing weight I will. When my health insurance kicks in, I will probably start going to a counselor to deal with my issues.

Progress being made

Here's a pic of me a week ago, down 13lbs. I had lost over 15lbs but I've been stuck for over a month. For almost 5 weeks, I've been going up and down around this mark. Even though I have a lot more to lose, I haven't snapped myself out of the fog that I've made a small accomplishment and I have a much longer journey to make. I have been diligent about going to the gym, yet on the left side of my back has been hurting badly. I stretch every day now because I'm nervous to strain it even more; I've already had a massage and she noted that my left side was much tighter than my right. It could have to do with being on a computer, more than ever! Either way, it's made a hiccup in my arm work out. In turn, I've increased the intensity of my cardio to counteract eating extra points and not being able to do much with my upper body.

This week I have really made strides in tracking. I have tracked everyday, however I still find myself going over my daily allowance. I can't seem to be satisfied. I drink A LOT of Crystal Geyser to avoid eating extra, but it's a failing battle so far. I'm going to stretch and attempt some ab and arm work, just to see how I feel in the morning.