Do You Have a FLAG?

Hey everyone! Sorry for putting the blog on a hiatus - it was not intended. Between all the drama going on in my life, this has fallen aside and it's time for me to bring it back. I know this blog will be getting more action due to some huge changes in my life that are going to occur.

About a month ago, my super insightful and awesome leader Jenn asked a simple question: "Do you eat when you're feeling emotional?" Some people responded right away while I hesitated to search myself for an honest answer. Initially, I didn't think I was an emotional eater; if anything I didn't eat when I'm anxious or stressed. However, Jenn dived into the topic head on and with a large poster board displaying the word FLAGS. Being that Jenn's a life coach, FLAGS was an acronym for a series of emotions.

F: Fear - fear of failure and success are quite often associate with weight loss. Fear of being different than what people expect from you, fear of falling back into the weight loss cycle.

L: Love - whether it's entering into a relationship and everything is coming up roses, nothing is better than indulging with your lover. I brought up a lack of love - that will cause you to eat as well! Food replacing the attention you want from someone you love or wanting someone to love and vice versa.

A: Anger - angry or resentful towards a person. Instead of confronting the issue and solving it, one avoids it by using food to literally fuel that anger. Anger occurs when something you value or respect has been violated by someone else.

G: Guilt - one feels guilty for an action or said words they regret.

S: Sadness - feeling a lack of something in your life.

As we moved through each emotion, more and more people started to open up and realize which emotions were evoked in certain situations. As for myself, I realized that I definitely due to sadness and love (whether or not it's in my life). When I'm single and not loving who I am, I start to believe that my life is disposable and doesn't register on anyone else's radar. Therefore I want someone to love me even more so to prove my life has worth. I know, I know I need to look inside myself to find my self worth. I've been making great strides in this but there are still moments of complete hate. I get even more frustrated when I get told I'm a wonderful person. If I'm so wonderful, then why am I still single? Therefore I must be defective on some level and of course, the easiest one to blame is me and my weight. What's worse is I went out a few times and while I feel better about myself, I haven't really received that recognition from men. It makes me wonder if I'm delusional about my own self-image.

Here's an updated picture from Halloween. I have pretty much maintained the same weight for almost six months. Super frustrating but it's my own doing. So freaked out that once I hit my half way mark, I'm not going to reach my end goal. The last time I had lost this much weight, I had looked so much better. The amount of weight loss that remains is symbolic of how far I let myself go beyond where I started then. I know I don't want to stay at this point, and I need to find something to anchor my goal. I have a pair of jeans from the last time I was at my goal weight, but I need something more portable. This woman in my meeting has two stones that say "Health" and "Success" on them as a way to remind her what is important to her choices throughout the day.What could I do to remind myself of my short and long term goals?

That is all my friends! The holidays are about to kick into overdrive!