Sorry for the long delay in updating my weight loss blog. I had quite a lot of events happen in the past six weeks, some good and some bad. These photos were taken on May 28th by Sandra after a night out to dinner. These are the first pair of jeans I have purchased and worn in 3 years. Some people don't understand "Why wait 3 years to wear jeans? There are many sizes available." The problem isn't the size but rather how I feel about my appearance in jeans.
If you know me and my family, then you have probably met my sister. My sister is the physical opposite of me: 5'10 1/2" and 140lbs. She has the body that can wear practically anything, especially the popular expensive jeans such as Paige Denim, 7's, and Jo Jeans. I have seen my sister struggle to find a pair of jeans that not only fit her but are long enough for her legs since the 7th grade. Thankfully they make jeans long enough. However, that shaped my views of what makes a pair of jeans work. The dreaded "Mom" jeans need to be eliminated off the market - what woman has a crotch that's over 8" long?! A flat booty is not attractive regardless of how much of a bargain they were! In my case, I have issues with how jeans are made for more...voluptuous, heavy women. Many times they put these ridiculous rhinestone patterns that make your booty look worse. If it's not on the booty, then there is some stupid drawing or pattern added to one of the pant legs, something to grab one's attention. Many times a muffin top occurs and it makes one look worse instead of better. Personally, I have issues with my legs - they are thicker than most girls, even when I'm in top form. The smallest size I've been for jeans is a size 8 and that was when I was anorexic - definitely not revisiting that size again unless I become a personal trainer or something. I do like my booty though, since I will have one regardless of how thin I become. I'm one of those girls that have curves despite how hard I work out.
When I started Weight Watchers, I definitely didn't own a pair of jeans that worked for me. Since I was used to working in dress pants due to Enterprise, I felt most comfortable in them even while at Home Depot. I had a coworker ask me why I don't wear jeans to work, and I simply told him I don't think they look right on me, not flattering in the least bit. He laughed and said he would be waiting to see me in jeans one day. That was almost a year ago. At that point, I was a size 20 and just starting WW. Now I'm almost down 40lbs with a long road ahead of me. The past month has been really challenging, with school and other personal matters distracting me from my weight loss goal. However, one day I was downtown and I wandered into The GAP. I was browsing their jeans when I came across a dark denim trouser jean. I wasn't sure if they'd fit or not, and I figured it would give me a bit of inspiration and pull my head out of my butt to refocus on what I want. They were apart of the "Curvy" collection, so I found a size 16 and went into the dressing room. Lo and behold, they fit. And not like Saran Wrap but nicely. I squatted and checked myself out in them and became really excited! I had finally reached the half way point in terms of the size I want to become.
I removed the jeans and waited to be shocked by the price. My mouth gaped open when I saw the tag: $26.99!! WHAT?! GAP jeans for $26.99?! I knew I couldn't hold back from buying them and made a beeline for the register. I left the store feeling victorious and accomplished.
Otherwise, I'm not feeling the proudest of my journey right now. I did finally track this week but only for two days. I didn't stay within my points range and chocolate is still the only thing I find appealing to my taste buds. Also, I've been drinking a lot of wine to numb the pain. Jenn said it is 13 points for a whole bottle of wine, but I tend to have only a glass or two. I've been off for almost two weeks and didn't work out more than usual, granted I've had to deal with some pretty emotional stuff. I feel heavy internally, like I have cement on my feet. I want to stay in bed all day and read or watch movies. I'm still going to my regular classes I love, but I feel distracted. The vision I see of myself at my goal is hazy and I need to figure out how to make it more clearer. I think being blindsided by a personal event has really shook me up, and I'm trying to make sense of it all. I know all's not lost but I got to get focused so I don't lose all the hard work I've done so far this year. It's almost the end of June, and I know I can lose another 20-30lbs before the end of the year. I stopped having candy on a regular basis and saw a positive shift in my mental game for weight loss. I'm going to recommit to doing so since candy is my Achilles' heal b/c I don't want to be the chubby 26 year old. My bday is less than 2 months away, and I don't want to be overweight and 28. I want 27 to be the last year I'm overweight and dang it, I'm going to do it!
