Hey everyone! Hope this finds you doing well and not sick. There is the nastiest sinus infection virus going around and it has plagued me for about a month now. This has definitely affected my energy level to even consider getting to the gym on the regular. Today was the first day in a long time where I didn't have to take DayQuil to survive. To celebrate, I hit the gym hard! I did 30 minutes on the PreCore, 15 minutes of weights working my arms, 9 minutes on the treadmill doing intervals (my calves started to cramp!), abs, and some stretching. In total - an hour and 15 minutes. The bonus: Dimitrius was there :) Ahhhh if he could arrange to be there every time I go to the gym, I'd reaaaaalllly would appreciate it. Talk about some motivation besides my reflection :P I felt really good afterward and the night before, I had packed up my work food: 2 organic apples, a snack pack of raw almonds from Trader Joe's, half of a cheesy kaiser roll, about 1 1/2 c of cheese tortellini with pesto sauce (not drenched), and a salad consisting of butter lettuce, tomato, boiled egg, avocado, red wine vinegar, and extra virgin olive oil. I felt more conscious of what I was eating other than just picking whatever "sounded good" to eat. I felt pretty satisfied as well.
In regards to following Jackie Warner's plan, I did the 2 weeks of introducing her preferred foods into my diet but being sick definitely didn't help. Eating oatmeal doesn't sound appetizing when your nose is running down your face and you feel that a nail is being struck through your forehead. However, I did get lots of fruit and veggies added to my diet as well as tried whey protein shakes (yuck). I wasn't able to do everything she asked because frankly, it's expensive and I'm trying to get my credit card debt down! Jackie's plan includes a bunch of stuff from GNC (branched amino acid supplements, creatin, etc.) and I don't really agree with them after taking nutrition and finding out that with the correct diet, you don't need to be taking supplements of that nature. I am taking a multivitamin and Omega 3 supplements as I do know I don't get a whole lot of protein or other healthy fats besides EVOO into my daily routine. The worst part was I forgot the book at my sister's for the past two weeks due to being so exhausted and not grabbing it out of her room. This week I will remember because I want to start using Jackie's work out plans. I'm really excited to do weight training - does that sound odd?!
This weekend I purged a lot of crap out of my room while watching Season 4 of Sex and the City, my fave season. There's an episode called "The Real Me" and it's my absolute favorite. If you're not familiar I suggest you try to find it on Hulu or On Demand. The story line for Carrie is she gets invited to do a fashion show with D&G and people tell her she's the "modelest of the real people". Throughout the whole experience, up to the minute before the runway, Carrie is questioning how real she is, and all people keep telling her is "you're a model". She starts to believe her own hype until she gets on the runway and gets hit with a slap of reality (gotta watch that scene - priceless!). Tonight at the gym, I thought about the "real" me. I have my own perception of myself only to be obscured by what others think of me, both positive and negative. Of course I dwell on the negative and that is a part of what motivates to me to work out right now (besides the sight of my legs looking...different that usual). The parts that people tell me that I agree with are:
- smart
- funny
- considerate
- loyal
The ones I disagree with all have to do with my looks. I think I look cute occasionally but not gorgeous, pretty, stunning. I don't see that and maybe that's due to how uncomfortable I am in my own skin right now. I know my heart and I know the fears that surround it. A big fear is turning 30 and dealing with the same crap I've been dealing with since I was 6. Isn't that enough suffering to make a change? One night while driving over to my sister's, I had some shocking revelations due to a coworker that overheard me talking down about myself. He asked me if I had always been "this way" and I said, "No I've had my moments of looking great but only one of those times I was healthy. Anorexia doesn't count! You wouldn't believe how good I can look." And moments later, I realized that can be me *now*. It's been almost 7 years since I graduated college and looked and felt the most amazing I have ever been in my life so far. I still have that dress hanging in my closet because of the strong emotional connection I have with it. It's beautiful and I remember feeling beautiful in it and being able to show off my hard work, as well as show a guy who had dumped me how hot I was and he couldn't have me! I achieved a goal I had set 9 months and obtain a BA - who wouldn't feel fabulous?!
The other realization that sunk into my head was that I will have to work on my weight and my diet my whole life, despite how much I detest it. I have accepted that I can't lose 40 lbs and go back to eating countless Oreos
Alright, I'm off to bed. I'm hoping to make it to the gym before class but if not, there's Zumba at 7p :) Ciao!
