Recently I attended a wedding that made me catch feelings, as the hipsters would describe actually feeling STUFF. I've had some of these thoughts run through my mind more than once and I need to get them out! I'm sure some of these will make readers uncomfortable, think I'm oversharing/TMI but this blog is for me to grow and share my thoughts.
Brace yourself, grab a glass of wine, whatever you need to get comfortable....
Why do I, Ashleigh, want to lose weight? Well....
-....I want to feel good in clothes again
-....I don't want to stand out and shop at Lane Bryant exclusively
-....I want to feel good naked
-....I don't want my belly rubbing on my boyfriend during sex
-....I don't want my jeans to leave blazing red marks on my stomach...and stay there for hours even when I've removed my jeans
-....I want to be more confident during sex
-....I don't want to feel ackward during sex or think, "Gosh I can't do this position because of my FUPA"
-....I want to see my pubic area WITHOUT having to lift my FUPA
-....I want to be able to shave my privates without having to stratagize how to hold my rolls back and not cut
myself
-....I want to feel sexy with or without clothes on
-....I'm scared I won't be hired because of my weight
-....I want people to notice ME, not my weight/shape
-....I want to be "normal" looking in that my weight neither affects or defects the quality of my life
-....I want to see my nephews grow up, to be active in their lives for a long time
-....I don't want people to see me eating and think, "She shouldn't be eating that."
-....I want to walk in heels without thinking I'm going to roll an ankle because too much weight is being
carried on 4"
-....I want to travel and be physically able to endure my adventures
-....I want to be healthy for me, mentally and physically.
-....I want to MOVE ON from this constant issue
-....I want to experience the wonder that is MAINTAINING MY WEIGHT, and not being a yo-yo.
-....I don't want to experience chaffing caused by too tight of pants and no room to breathe
-....I want to wear a form fitting shirt and not wonder if everything is spilling out
-....I want to enjoy life to the fullest, and I can't do that when I'm unable to move past the mental road block
I've had for years.
-....I want to wear hot lingerie such as corsets, stockings, garter belts....that stuff is amazing and feminine
Yes a lot of these revolve around sex because I'm finally having sex after 5 years of waiting for the right guy. Despite having a fabulous, understanding man in my life that loves me, I still cannot move past the awful experiences I've endured. Never has my boyfriend made me feel inadequate sexually but
I have done so to myself by believing I have let him down by not being physically attractive enough. He has NEVER said that, and he constantly loves touching me and being affectionate. It is my own issues that cause this internal anxiety. I shall begin therapy once I have established a reliable income....till next time!
Ciaoses!
1 comment:
Therapy..? I don't know if you need therapy for weight loss... other things, sure, but not weight loss...
It is pretty simple... prioritize fitness... whether it is 30-45 walking or stationary bike or home exercises, you can get going... it is about how far you want to go with it... I am so VERY happy that you are in a healthy, beneficial relationship... now I don't have to move to expensive California to be your boyfriend..! :0)
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