2 Years Ago, 1 Year Ago, Today

This is me (in red) and my sister (the one in white) on the day of her wedding. I had said I was going to go back to WW in order to be a sexy M.O.H. Yeah, I obviously didn't attain that goal but I had a blast anyway. I can't believe this was two years ago - feels like another life, especially with the boys here. I still have that dress hanging in my closet. For shits and giggles, I tried it on a few months ago with Sandra to see if there was a difference. There was a BIG difference - I would need some serious alterations in order to wear it again.










Here I am a year ago, this being the very first picture I took when I decided to start this blog. This was after going to Roy's at Spanish Bay, Carmel to celebrate quitting Enterprise Rent a Car and my birthday. I know I look really perturbed in the picture - my mom was having issues using my camera. At this point I'd hardly lost much on WW - maybe about 10-12lbs. After ending a disastrous relationship, there was definitely a period of time where I put focusing on myself on hold. After seeing this picture, I knew I had to get serious about losing weight and improving me.









Here I am today. Well at least at the end of June. The past 6 weeks have been rough with summer school but I have refocused on the goal in sight. With my birthday around the corner, I'm wanting it to be the last time I am overweight. I want to look forward to my 28th bday and enter my late 20s with hotness! Sandra is showing off her sexy De Anza gown - yes it was super hot that day! Hotter than Satan's ass crack as Sandra would say.

PostSecret

It's been a month since I last wrote in my blog and finally I have the time to update it. I follow the PostSecret blog and every Sunday, they post new secrets sent to them from all over the world. Last Sunday, I saw this image with the Barbie with the secret shown. It made me stop and think about how high I have my standards set in some areas (education, work performance) and in other areas my standards are low, particularly in how I date. I have made leaps and bounds in the past couple years in what I know I deserve in relationship. I can't demand someone to respect me, I can only earn it. The same goes for love. In regards to weight loss, I have lowered my standards according to my weight loss progress. That is the issue: a lack of progress. In the past 4 months, I have flirted with accomplishing my 40lbs goal but not officially obtained it and pass it. My overall goal is to lose about 90lbs from my original starting weight, with 40lbs lot indicting a halfway point of sorts. My stamina in following the program to a T has waned. I'm trying to shake it up to get out of this funk so I can keep moving forward to my goal. This week I took the traveling tracker as a way to motivate me to be consistent in tracking as well as hold myself accountable. As Jenn says, "Regardless if you write it down, your body will keep a perfect journal." Clearly I need to snap out of this and I'm doing that, one day at a time. On the up side, I have increased my focus on exercise since I have a break from school! I am adding in Monday/Wednesday cardio sculpt at 530p as my work schedule allows. I went last Wednesday and on Thursday I woke up so sore!


This postcard was on the PostSecret blog today. It was relieving to see another person like myself that is frightened by weight loss progress. As I explained in the last entry, being rejected due to my weight is much easier to deal with than a personality reason b/c it's much easier to change the outside than inside. However, the inside feelings still remain regardless of the exterior, making the cycle of gain and loss be continuous. I see so many beautiful people around town, and people say I'm pretty - sometimes I see it, sometimes I don't. I'm fair skinned with hair that doesn't get dyed and blown out on a regular basis. I buy basic solids, pants, and jackets in which I hold onto them for years. Shopping is such a chore and I find it to be more depressing than encouraging. Sometimes it's motivating such as jean shopping, but that is rare. I'm hoping for the day that I'm just happy being me the way I am in the present every day. Not critiquing and throwing myself a pity party because I don't look like the popular celebrity de jour. Many people accept me the way I am, so I'm going to start listening to them and hopefully find my own point of view on myself for once.