It's been a month since I last wrote in my blog and finally I have the time to update it. I follow the PostSecret blog and every Sunday, they post new secrets sent to them from all over the world. Last Sunday, I saw this image with the Barbie with the secret shown. It made me stop and think about how high I have my standards set in some areas (education, work performance) and in other areas my standards are low, particularly in how I date. I have made leaps and bounds in the past couple years in what I know I deserve in relationship. I can't demand someone to respect me, I can only earn it. The same goes for love. In regards to weight loss, I have lowered my standards according to my weight loss progress. That is the issue: a lack of progress. In the past 4 months, I have flirted with accomplishing my 40lbs goal but not officially obtained it and pass it. My overall goal is to lose about 90lbs from my original starting weight, with 40lbs lot indicting a halfway point of sorts. My stamina in following the program to a T has waned. I'm trying to shake it up to get out of this funk so I can keep moving forward to my goal. This week I took the traveling tracker as a way to motivate me to be consistent in tracking as well as hold myself accountable. As Jenn says, "Regardless if you write it down, your body will keep a perfect journal." Clearly I need to snap out of this and I'm doing that, one day at a time. On the up side, I have increased my focus on exercise since I have a break from school! I am adding in Monday/Wednesday cardio sculpt at 530p as my work schedule allows. I went last Wednesday and on Thursday I woke up so sore!
This postcard was on the PostSecret blog today. It was relieving to see another person like myself that is frightened by weight loss progress. As I explained in the last entry, being rejected due to my weight is much easier to deal with than a personality reason b/c it's much easier to change the outside than inside. However, the inside feelings still remain regardless of the exterior, making the cycle of gain and loss be continuous. I see so many beautiful people around town, and people say I'm pretty - sometimes I see it, sometimes I don't. I'm fair skinned with hair that doesn't get dyed and blown out on a regular basis. I buy basic solids, pants, and jackets in which I hold onto them for years. Shopping is such a chore and I find it to be more depressing than encouraging. Sometimes it's motivating such as jean shopping, but that is rare. I'm hoping for the day that I'm just happy being me the way I am in the present every day. Not critiquing and throwing myself a pity party because I don't look like the popular celebrity de jour. Many people accept me the way I am, so I'm going to start listening to them and hopefully find my own point of view on myself for once.
2 comments:
About respect ... you first should be GIVEN the respect that every human being accords. That is what you should look for in someone, a person who respects you because you are a human being, FIRST.
That lets them reveal to you an insight to their character.
I would figure that it is hard though, to separate the rationale that losing weight would change how you are seen by others. That is why in becoming the person you want to be physically, should be accompanied by being the person you want spiritually. That way when you add the things that losing weight will bring to your life, you are still that decent, wonderful person that you already are.
I am a little confused about your standards ... are they of yourself and for you, or for those you date?
Anywho, take care of yourself ..!
I think this was a great entry.
You've done really well on your journey. It isn't easy, but you've stuck with it, and gotten back up after you've made mistakes.
As for rejection, everyone faces it, no matter what you look like. Even the celebs we envy get rejected and cheated on.
As long as you are happy with yourself and confident, the rejection faced will be a lot easier to take.
But for the rejection is also acception. Someone will accept you.
By not accomplishing your ideal goals out of fear, you are not giving yourself a chance to truly be yourself, and also you are not giving others a chance to accept you for who you really are.
I know easier said than done. I will step off my soap box right now.
Post a Comment